So I voted.
I did my civic duty.
Exercised my right.
Which is the only exercising I have done all week. It was exhausting, so I'm counting it. Walking from the car, maneuvering out of the way of all the cottonheads, making sure the boys aren't sitting at the feet of the person next to me .... phew ... I need to lay down.
And while I was looking over my ballot, voting for the lesser of a few evils, I realized that they should use voting day to vote on all the important issues.
The real issues.
OK, well maybe not the real issues.
But ones that I would find useful and hilarious.
Especially for the purpose of this blog of mine.
So here are some questions I think should have been on the ballot.
Question 1 would make it illegal for male youth to wear their jeans, khakis, dungarees, slacks, pantaloons, shorts, shorty pants, and most of all, skinny jeans below their asses. A yes vote, would allow law enforcement officials to slap said youth, up side the head while demanding they pull their pants up. Furthermore, any citizen would be allowed to go up behind said youth, and pants them (meaning pull their pants down) so their pants were around their ankles, causing them to a) walk like a penguin or b) fall on their faces. Both of which, would be hilarious.
|Yah. That looks awesome. Great look.|
Question 2 would make it legal for law enforcement to require a parentingdegree before giving birth or adopting a child. Potential "parents" would need to pass a parenting test, and a series of psychological exams before being allowed to have a child. Officials could also limit the number of children you have if you are a crazy skank like Nadya Suleman, so as not to allow a crazy skank to be in charge of raising 14 human beings.
|Do you think she's adding this cover to their baby books?|
A yes vote on Question 3 would require all political candidates to be attached to a Lie Detector while campaigning. Each candidate would have to pay for the device and as well as for a Lie Detector Technician to accompany him or her at all times. A yes vote would also require that any time a candidate was caught lying, they would be required to either pay a fine of $100,000 to the charity or organization of their rival's choice, or be subject to a Jackass stunt on live television.
A yes vote on Question 4 would require all Moms to attend "Mom Workshops" one night per week. These workshops will range in topics such as meal preparation (trading Pinterest finds), stress reduction (wine tastings), parenting tips and tricks (Bad Mom Moments contests) and self care (pedicures, massages, facials, wine and gourmet chocolate). Workshops would be mandatory, and would require the Mom to sleep until 9am the following day. Significant others should plan accordingly.
|Week long retreats may also be required.|
|And here's the proposed Motivational Speaker.|
A yes vote would bring back the Oprah show.
And make her President of the United States.
She could pay back the US debt out of her own bank account, and still have enough to start up schools in Africa. It would be genius. It's about time for Oprah's Favorite Things too, and who doesn't want to be a part of that?
|This is all she'd need for a campaign ad.|
She'd get my vote.
Unless she chose that coat-tail-riding BFF of hers, Gayle King as her running mate. That would change everything.
So, who's with me?!?!?!?
Since it's voting season....would you mind? Just a click and you're done! I didn't run any negative ads, I didn't call your house right at dinner time and I don't fill your mailbox with campaign flyers! Please?