Yesterday my teenage daughters asked me for more shampoo and conditioner, and I said I’d pick some up at the grocery since I was on my way there.

They rolled their eyes and sighed because they “needed” the expensive stuff at Salon d’Fortune Geaux Au Revoir. According to my high school French, I’m pretty sure that means, “say goodbye to your money.”

“We want ‘Savage Smoothing Serum for Sexy Body' and ‘Hard Up and Slept In Moisture Geleé,’” they whined.

“Please. I used my…

Check out my recent post about public breakups! Thanks!

http://blog.theregularguynyc.com/?p=1211

Recently, I started a new series with my friend, Giovanni. It was a relatively new experience diving into the world of Amish fiction. I did not quite know what to expect, but we ended up with something totally unique and outrageous.

To find out more and enter the giveaway, please visit my official blog: http://empyricaltales.blogspot.com/2012/11/ebook-giveaway.html

I say inappropriate things sometimes. But, I have a strong filter. Because I think inappropriate things all the time.



And I can't stop. The thought just pops up and I do my best not to gasp or giggle. I am convinced a part broke off inside me (even there I just thought of an inappropriate comment) during puberty and remained in my brain. Not proud of this. There's a teenager running wild inside my head.…

It's definitely not just a Mom of Twins thing.



I know it's not just a Mom thing.



And I'm sure it's not even just a girl thing.

But today I found myself…

So I took a little vaca.  No, not to Fiji or Tahiti, although that is my dream.  I want to sleep in one of those over the water bungalows, where you  ... you know, the one that Kris Humphries threw Kim Kardashian off of, that made her cry like a baby, because she lost $15,000 earrings when her face slammed against the water ....what was I saying?…

OK, so I just told you about my breakfast experience.  It wasn't good.  Our waitress was clearly overwhelmed, and an obviously great parent to my children.  Well, that night, we went out to dinner for my Mother in law's birthday.  That was equally "interesting", but in a different way.  Needless to say, I was about to throw down.

We had reservations at my favorite restaurant for 5:30, for 8…

OK.  Where to start.  I have to admit, my mind is sort of spinning right now. 

My friend Stephanie dared challenged asked me to write about "reborns". She told me to research it, that I would enjoy it.  Ah, she knows me so well.



So I did some research today. 



Whoa.



It is a whole other kind of freak fest that I didn't really know existed.



Basically, women (I think hope…

This past Monday was Patriot's Day in Massachusetts.  It is also Marathon Monday.  The Boston Marathon....one of the most well known marathons in the world.  I don't really know if that's true, but I think it is, which is what is most important, so I'm going to "report" it that way.



I know you are probably wondering if I ran it this year, since I am a runner.  …

So I am going to be a lottery winner.  I'm just letting you know, in case I am gone for a while.  I wouldn't want you to worry about me.  But if I win, I will be taking a small break from my blog to make media appearances and shop like crazy.  I don't mean Bentley and Masserati shopping, but you can bet your ass, I will shop the SHIT out of Target.  I'll have them close the store for me, so I can shop without Target Mom and little…

So I was telling you about this crazy weather we've been having around here.  I can't get enough of it, and I find myself not wanting to go inside, as if there is a snowstorm right around the corner that will snow me and my pedicured toes right back in the house.  It was 82 degrees out today.…

What is better than a warm cuddly baby?!" 

This was a text I got from my sister in law yesterday morning.  What a great text to get first thing in the morning!  Better than our usual texts about how shitty our morning routines are going and commiserating about temper tantrums and food shopping and gas prices and people we hate.  **Sigh**  We really are soul sisters, thank God our husbands have fantastic taste and are brothers.  Anywho.....…

I was sitting here trying to figure out what to write about today, and I asked the boys what they thought I should write about.  I've done this before, but their responses tend to be less than helpful.  But tonight I told myself that I was going to write down what they say and write about it, no matter what.  Let's call it a writing challenge.  So while we were taking tubs tonight, I asked, "What do you think Mommy should write about tonight?  

They both got super excited, and one…

Do you guys lie to your kids?  I don't mean about big, life changing stuff.  I mean the little stuff.... that you probably don't even need to lie about.  But you do, because the thought of getting "into it" with your kid right then, at that moment, is just too much to bear.
Here are some of my recent ones: http://www.mytwintasticlife.com/2012/03/tangled-web-we-weave.html

News of Davey Jones death spread like wildfire in the past 24 hours.  I mean, it's Davey Jones for crying out loud!  My kiddos just watched a Scooby Doo Meets Davey Jones on TV this week!  It started me thinking about all of my early celeb crushes, the hotties who graced the covers of Tiger Beat and Teen Beat magazines every week.  Remember what a score it was if it had one of…